Author Topic: Torn and it hurts  (Read 2674 times)

Offline Dylan Antonsen

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Torn and it hurts
« on: December 11, 2010, 06:39:07 AM »
My girlfriend said she doesn't like me doing free running.
After like 2 weeks of deliberation, I heavy heartedly told her I'd stop. For her.
It worries her sick because the only times I can train are late at night and by myself, and I've had some seizures before, and one lately.

I was going to slow down training for the winter and work on conditioning a ton anyways, but not going back to a ton of training actual parkour and free running will murder me. Parkour saved my life, literally, I believe. I can't stand seeing her worry, and I can't stand not free running. She cried because I told her I trained picnic table kongs at like 1 AM in the park.

I REALLY don't want to stop... but I basically already said I would for her.

Anybody else been in this situation?
What do you think are chances of me being able to help her gain more insight on it all and show her it's not dangerous when done right?
When we started dating I taught her to kong, she thought it was so cool till I clipped my foot and faceplanted on grass, now she freaks out about 'WHAT IF THAT WAS CONCRETE?!' and doesn't understand me when I say "If it was concrete I wouldn't have pushed it, it was just barely above my best I've done".

Gah...
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Offline Josh Boggs

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2010, 08:45:25 AM »
Tell her how careful you are being. That you don't go out like an idiot and flip off houses. Also, tell her if she doesn't support what you LOVE doing, then you're not gonna be a happy man. Don't stop what you LOVE to do for her. She'll get over it, trust me.
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Offline J. Gabriel Alvarez Manilla

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2010, 08:56:21 AM »
So she's worried you're gonna hurt yourself? So little trust in your abilities, maybe you should prove them by asking her to train with you sometime?
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Offline Patrick Witbrod

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2010, 09:21:43 AM »
Tell her how careful you are being. That you don't go out like an idiot and flip off houses. Also, tell her if she doesn't support what you LOVE doing, then you're not gonna be a happy man. Don't stop what you LOVE to do for her. She'll get over it, trust me.

If he's practicing alone in the park a 1 AM with a history of seizures that's not very safe. She is right to be worried as should anyone. She probably wouldn't mind if you weren't alone so early in the morning. Maybe if you made a different time to practice it would be better. If you love both of them so much then you should be able to work something out. If though she just wants you to quit because she thinks it's inherently dangerous she should get over it in time. Still try to find a different time to practice as a compromise.

Offline James Cavin

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2010, 09:32:38 AM »
Dude I'M worried about you training at 1AM, by yourself, and with a history of seizures! I can only imagine how worried she would be...

It seems like finding a better time to train is going to be your best bet.

Offline North

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2010, 09:35:41 AM »
Keyword: Compromise.
Tell her you will join a gym so that if anything happens you will always have someone around you. With that you tell her to join you.

Offline MThomasfreerun

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2010, 03:01:54 PM »
Been there. My wife has hated my parkour/freerunning since I started nearly 5 years ago; not only because of the danger, but because she thought it was "immature" and "stupid." I tried hard to show her the safety, the progression, etc. but she wouldn't budge. I wasn't willing to give it up and believed (as I still do) that I shouldn't have to. Basically she just ignores it and I don't talk about it with her.

I did find it interesting that once I put a team together that started having some success her tune changed almost 180 degrees...

I'd say if you like parkour, then do it. If she truly likes/loves you, she won't make you give it up.
"Obstacles - I go over, under, right through, around 'em" - Shed Light

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Offline Anthony Ruiz

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2010, 05:10:44 PM »
Tell her to Harden the f#ck Up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y
There is no reason to have a plan B, cause all it does is distract from plan A

Offline John George 'JG'

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2010, 05:34:12 PM »
1. Ask her why she feels the way she does. Has she seen something on TV? Seen a negative news article? Takes the crazy YouTube videos too seriously?

2. If her worry is a misconception, explain to her what parkour is really about.

3. I don't know your personal philosophy for practicing parkour, but sit her down and explain to her how much parkour really means to you. How it has impacted your life.

3b. If she still doesn't open her eyes, calmly and tactfully point out how she isn't even trying to support you in your interests.

Here's a little piece of accidental poetry I whipped up a few weeks ago:

---------------------------------

"If you insist on saying such things,
then please humor me a moment.

Imagine your favorite past-time;

a discipline you have been practicing for years
and to which you have dedicated your life.
This could be a martial art, a sport,
or your local sewing circle.
I care not.

Now imagine somebody standing in your face
and saying that it is worthless;
that is has no meaning.

The discipline for which you have developed a deep and personal philosophy
has just been defiled, belittled, and mindlessly cast aside for naught.

How does that make you feel?"

-Me
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Offline max eisenberg

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2010, 06:23:57 PM »
unless you are 30 years old no female is worth taking a healthy activity out of your life.


just saying....


my mind is constantly moving, one day my body will be strong enough to keep up.

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2010, 08:05:18 PM »
Man Up!

Offline Micah.

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2010, 06:06:45 AM »
Tell her to Harden the f#ck Up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y
This

and...

Quote from: Caleb M. Iuliano
Man Up!
this.

Offline Sparklefish

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2010, 06:37:38 AM »
unless you are 30 years old no female is worth taking a healthy activity out of your life.


just saying....

I am 30 years old... the older I get the less susceptible I am to outside influence.  I've learned how to draw and enforce healthy boundaries.  While I'd be willing to listen to my partner's concerns, I'm certainly not going to give up what makes me happy to make someone else "happy."  No one with that little concern for my happiness is worth my time.

Conversely I'd never expect a woman to give up the things that she finds fulfilling to please me.

midnight46

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2010, 04:36:16 AM »
god this thread worries me. I'm about to have the same problem. my girlfriend knows I do parkour but she doesn't exactly know what that is :/ and she's always worried about me doing things she finds stupid and dangerous so.... I don't exactly know how she's gonna react when I explain what parkour is

Offline John George 'JG'

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2010, 04:54:44 AM »
god this thread worries me. I'm about to have the same problem. my girlfriend knows I do parkour but she doesn't exactly know what that is :/ and she's always worried about me doing things she finds stupid and dangerous so.... I don't exactly know how she's gonna react when I explain what parkour is

Just be careful how you explain it. Be sure to concentrate on what it IS rather than on what it is NOT (ie. not about jumping off buildings... running from the cops... finding roof gaps... blahblah). That will automatically form negative images in her mind.

Maybe find a low-to-the-ground artistic video to show her?
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Offline Stephanie Belle Hagan

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2010, 05:39:27 PM »
You know, on the flip side of things, I once had a boyfriend who freaked out when I would do parkour in front of him. The thought of his sweet, vulnerable girl doing something as vulgar as parkour was absurd. Needless to say, I dumped him. Parkour > people. Or, people who do parkour > people.
"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap!"
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Offline Dylan Antonsen

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2010, 06:03:07 PM »
Needless to say, I'd rather compromise then be more lonely.
When we first started dating she didn't want me to do it, I told I would never quit it for anyone or anything, and anyone who keeps trying to make me quit I will remove from my life.

Now we've been dating for 4 months, and in that time, more connecting has been done than with really anyone ever. Truthfully, I have a ton of friends, but most don't like hanging out with me because I'm either too random and too adrenaline loving (not a good mix apparently to any normal person...), or I don't ever have enough cash to go where they go. My friends are rich, I'm poor.

I've had two seizures in this girls arms, I felt myself almost die the second time. In her arms. And I'm pretty damn sure her voice kept me from just letting myself slide off because the pain was pure agony. It felt like a jackhammer going off inside my skull.
I tell her now I'd rather quit free running than screw up our relationship by having her worry constantly and hurt her every time I go train.

Whoever says 'man up': f#ck you, asshole. If you're gonna be a dick at least do it somewhere that deserves it, prick.


John George "JG", that was an amazing way to word it, and I'm sure that will help a lot.
I've been explaining to her why I do it, she's still just worried.
Been trying to find open gyms, closest one is like 50 mins away, gas costs a ton, and I'm always working during open gyms.
FTS.
Ten pushups, twenty crunches, twenty squats.
^My version of the ten pushups club.

Offline Stephanie Belle Hagan

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2010, 06:06:36 PM »
Okay, so we can remove 'breaking up with her' from the possible list of things you can do. Gotcha.

Why can't you just straight up talk to her about this? Tell her how important it is to you. If she cares about you enough and respects you enough like you say she already does, then you should be fine.
"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap!"
-Unknown

Offline Dylan Antonsen

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2010, 06:08:23 PM »
I already did. She says she wont stop me, she would be a total jackass to stop me, she just REALLY doesn't want me to do it, and I know it hurts her really bad when I do.
no matter how I word it, she is going to be worried sick I'm going to have a seizure and die.
Ten pushups, twenty crunches, twenty squats.
^My version of the ten pushups club.

Offline Anthony Ruiz

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Re: Torn and it hurts
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2010, 06:51:01 PM »
So parkour causes your seizures? From the way I see it parkour isnt bad for you or dangerous and maybe get meds to control the seizures. 4 months isnt that long trust me. Tell her you appreciate her concern but you will continue to train. problem solved.
There is no reason to have a plan B, cause all it does is distract from plan A